Britain is awash with apathy

This Green and Surprisingly Pleasant Land examines an election that dares to be dull

Fifty years ago Willie Whitelaw accused Harold Wilson’s Labour Party of ‘going round the country stirring up apathy’.

My, how things have changed since then as not only is the Labour Party hell bent on stirring up apathy but so are the Conservatives and indeed the perennially third place Liberals.

Mr (later Lord) Whitelaw, clearly misjudged the public mood in 1974 because Labour won the  election and apathy lived to fight another day.

The current General Election campaign has some time to run but it is already clear that the leaders of the main parties are determined to make life as dull as possible.

In the red corner, now painted a pale shade of pink, we have Keir Starmer, a man who gives every impression of channelling his inner geography supply teacher vibe as he eagerly anticipates a full time job in a middle England comprehensive with a rather modest reputation for excellence.

Over in the blue corner, well it used to be the blue corner, we have an assorted band of no hopers who are so ashamed of their party that they have expunged blue from their campaign literature. Nor are they that keen to mention their leader, the Small Rich Fella, fearing he might suddenly pop up in their constituency armed with a flowchart which might make sense to him but not to anyone else.

The orange Liberal Democrat corner is now occupied by a man called Ed, who thinks he can shake off his image as a long serving provincial bank manager by engaging in a series of bizarre pranks such as water paddle surfing and flying downhill on a bicycle without holding the handlebar. Ed is not really designed for such pursuits but plugs on with grim determination.

None of these men look comfortable in their own skins, especially once they venture out tieless. Bare necked they are propelled around the nation in a search for votes. As they pass without leaving a shadow they congratulate themselves for not troubling the public with excitement.

The late Mario Cuomo, a popular New York Governor, famously said that politicians should campaign in poetry and govern in prose. His words have fallen on deaf ears in Britain where political leaders pride themselves on campaigning in prose while aspiring to govern in even limper prose.

This state of affairs have caused great unhappiness in the vibrant world of punditry. The Amalgamated Union of Pundits and Assorted Commentators has issued a rallying call for more excitement during the election and has demanded a greater standard of oratory from the participants. There was even mention of the word charisma.

However they should be cautious over what they wish for. The return of Nigel Farage as leader of the highly excitable Reform UK party offers a salutary reminder of why great orators are rarely to be trusted. Remember that he was ready enough to claim credit for getting the British public to vote for Brexit but absolved himself from responsibility for the debacle that followed.

Also out on the eloquent but dangerous fringe is the serially shameless George Galloway, one of the most stirring speakers in Britain’s parliament, whose oratory has led him to defy expectations in winning elections, only to disappoint once installed in office. 

Going back a bit in history reminds us of Ian Paisley, a bigot to his very finger tips who dominated Northern Irish politics with florid oratory and a fierce sectarianism, even though he relented in later life. Also found sulking in exile in Northern Ireland, having burned his boats in the British Tory Party, was Enoch Powell, a politician who combined great intelligence with a vile racist agenda which he spouted with great eloquence.

Winston Churchill is credited with having the greatest oratorical skills of the modern age and used them to great effect during World War II but in the aftermath became a dangerous demagogue, hurling insults at opponents and accusing his Labour opponents of wanting to introduce the Gestapo should they be elected.

We have even had recent experience of a distinctly dodgy wannabe demagogue called Boris Johnson. To be fair he has quite a way with one-liners but it is hard to pretend that the tousled haired buffoon has the vaguest elements of political substance about his person.

The lesson seems to be: beware of great orators. This leaves us with a clutch of dull men, running a dull campaign in circumstances where it would be nice to hear the case for more dramatic action to resolve some really pressing issues. But this is a phlegmatic nation which values calm, is suspicious of excitement and wary of change. So, what do you expect?