Two wheels good, all other wheels and pedestrians bad

This Green and Surprisingly Pleasant Land contemplates the era of enraged cylists

As the government is planning to amend the law to impose heavy penalties on cyclists for reckless riding the time has come for a frank conversion about bike riders.

Once the gentle practise of cycling brought to mind an image of Miss Marple pootling around her village on a sturdy upright bicycle topped by a wicker basket. Nowadays this image of Agatha Christie’s self-effacing amateur detective is increasingly replaced by the spectre of bikes driven by grim faced chaps clad in Lycra with some sort of flashing light thing on their slimline helmets.

They follow the golden rule that God or possibly the Highway Code has given them the right of way at ALL times and that anyone or anything getting in their way is a bloody nuisance and should be culled, not necessarily in a humane way.

Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends have been known to cycle but as I only like nice people, they cannot possibly be among the ogres who seem to populate the bulk of the two wheel population.

I had a recent encounter with a member of the aggressive tribe at a road junction where Dog A (no name supplied because you never how far these cycling maniacs will go) had the temerity to poke his nose; his nose, mind you, over the edge of the pavement in front of an oncoming Lycra-clad tyrant who yelled at me shouting, ‘can’t you keep your bloody dog under control’. Then, as I thought he was about to speed on, he turned and added with what probably passes for charm in biking circles, ‘you should have that bloody thing put down’.

I was not amused but then again I can’t help but observe that these cyclists rarely look as though they are enjoying themselves. They sit hunched on their saddles glaring at the world, giving every impression of looking for trouble which will not be met in a sanguine fashion.

On the roads cyclists face hazards perpetrated by motorists. They do indeed have cause to complain but I just wonder whether weaving in and out of traffic and paying little heed to trivial things like traffic lights, might also add to the peril of their journeys.

Sometimes the roads are simply too clogged to allow swift progression on a bicycle, this appears to mean that cyclists are entitled to mount the pavements where they face another obstacle known as pedestrians. What on earth these walking stiffs think they are doing obstructing bicycles is anyone’s guess but it is clear that cyclists have the right of way.

That right of way also seems to apply to country paths, parks and other green areas which can accommodate some rather formidable looking off road bikes.

When did the cult of the enraged cyclist emerge? I ask the question because many, many years ago I was one of their tribe and cycled daily. Back then, in a more innocent age, no one I knew wore a helmet and I most certainly would not have thought of being clad in Lycra. I knew my place which was on the side of the road, often splashed by passing cars. Pleasure came with the schadenfreude of speeding past vehicles stuck in traffic. Maybe it made us cyclists of yesteryear a tad smug but I’m pretty sure we did no harm.

I liked cycling, it was even rumoured to be good for health and so I did not feel the need to scowl when out on the road.

So, what’s changed? One element is the evolution of the idea that cycling is virtuous as it is helping to save the planet. Another element, I think, is that bikes have become a hell of a lot more costly and, as the saying goes, with great cost, comes great arrogance. I might just have made that up but it has a ring of veracity. Thirdly, I think there is a general elevation of road rage which is not confined to cyclists but they are definitely contributing.

What has not changed is the politically charged nature of cycling. I first became excitingly aware of this back in 1965 when white bicycles appeared on the streets of Amsterdam with the avowed aim of fighting the ‘asphalt terror’ created by motorists. Since then bikers have been active in reclaim the streets campaigns all over Europe and succeeded in creating quite an impressive infrastructure for cycling.

Alas, this has not led to cyclist contentment.  With apologies to George Orwell, their mantra can be understood as being: four wheels bad, two wheels good and as for pedestrians, what’s the point of them?